I don't know why but I just felt like ranting; this is to a considerably close friend.
Wouldn't you agree that friendships are based on giving and taking, sacrificing and receiving?
I know that we've been friends for two years, and I can say I know you quite well, or perhaps even better than most people do. But recently I've began to realise that, in this friendship, I'm always the one giving, and you're always the one taking.
I'm talking about emotionally, psychologically, or whatever you want to call it. It's true that sometimes you show concern about certain things, but I don't know. It's like, you would always share your happiness, sadness, anger with me, and of course I would always lend you a listening ear. I like to listen to people talk about their feelings and such.
However, when I have problems myself, and I try to talk to you about it, I don't know if you ever listen. Sometimes I find it hard to share my joy or anger with you, especially when it doesn't specifically concern you, perhaps something random; either you don't reply, or you say things which are completely non-relevant. It's fine, once or twice. But I realise that its becoming a habit of yours, or more specifically, you're starting to take things for granted.
I wish I wouldn't have to say this, but I must.
I sincerely feel that you're taking our friendship for granted. Being good friends for a long time doesn't mean you can just expect the person to be there all the time, doesn't mean that you can just rant like nobody's business to me whenever you feel like it. Sometimes when I'm feeling okay, I'm absolutely fine with you ranting to me. But, you don't know when I feel frustrated, or when I'm busy with stuff to entertain you. It's times like this when I want to say right in your face that you're very selfish.
But of course I refrain, for I know that you are very sensitive. Sometimes you over react to small little things people say without thinking, and you take them to heart even when they don't mean it. So how can I convey my own feelings without you blowing up?
I admit that I am, indeed very troubled.
And although I know that you treasure a friend very much, sometimes you just can't leave them alone all of a sudden and join another friend. That's what I meant about taking friendships for granted. Not everyone takes that lightly. Personally, I don't really mind, but sometimes you take things too far. I am at a loss of words to phrase it.
It's like:
You and I, talking, then friend A comes along.
You: Hey friend A! *runs off to talk with friend A*
And then you never came back to the topic we were talking about.
So yes, this is how I feel about our friendship, and most importantly, your attitude towards it. I don't know if you would read this, but I really don't want to end up changing the way I look at you, or for the worse, detest you like I did two years ago. I still remember we were very good friends, again, and your attitude was a huge turn off. I didn't know why but I just had a huge dislike of you and your temper. Everything you said, or do, irritated me.
I don't want history to repeat itself, and I'm sure you don't want either.
It's always when I know you too well that I started disliking you.
I know you are you, and it will be hard to change. I know your thinking, how you would go all emotional if you read this post, how you would run to others and tell them about it, how you would avoid me because you'd think I'm angry.
I'm not angry, I'm just truthful; and I've kept this bottled up for so long.
Again, it's up to you to suck it up and change, or continue being the way you are; I have no right to force you to change anyway.
Peace out.
